Video: just in case

“just in case” started as a letter i wrote to my mother when i was a doctoral student living in south carolina.

a teenager from a neighboring town was killed by a police officer who claimed he feared for his life. i attended a vigil for the young man. his parents asked if i would speak at a rally to encourage the state to investigate.

it’s not difficult to create a space in your imagination for this reality, but it’s not a space i want to live in. yet, to call it abnormal would be a lie that denies a reality in this country.

after that rally i put the piece to the side. before i started working on i used to love to dream here in virginia, i decided to record it. i didn’t know it would feel so present, so urgent, and fit with the other things i was thinking and feeling so well. it’s still a difficult piece for me, but i feel it’s relevant now and, unfortunately, will remain so.

access i used to love to dream here.

just in case

if i

die

in police custody, please
ask questions because,

though i sometimes speak out of turn & ask “why?” more often than some folks care to entertain,

i don’t see me leaving an exchange with an officer so

depressed & disconcerted that it would make
me take me away from you.

if you’re told i resisted,
please
ask for evidence because
you & i know
i know they’re armed with everything from pepper spray to tasers
and,
taking that into consideration, anything that would
make me move suddenly
or do anything
to escalate their use of force to my own final destination in that moment is less likely than what you’ll find to be true.

if they tell you how bad i was before then,

please remain vigilant because
none of my past behaviors should justify me leaving an interaction with law enforcement with the ultimate penalty enacted without the due process afforded others in courts of law.

in fact,

if law enforcement forces those who
laws enforced impact,
whose backs & torsos act as source code – hacked –
& more so lack the morals tacked to moral acts,
then go & ask if my blasting or maiming was
more a result of semi-factual blaming
than poor tactical training,
& whoever’s tasked with staffing
& claiming credit for a job well-done

should be person number one to whom this query is posed.

what i’m asking
is for you to ask,
& keep asking,
if those sworn to protect & serve say to you
that, in order to properly execute their duties, it was necessary to execute me,
& the truth as you know it doesn’t match up with the truth you know to be,
it’s likely because the truth that’s in between the two is too inconvenient for those who have the power to speak it.

& the way to honor me isn’t to turn the other cheek,

it’s to ask,

again & again,

again & again…

why?

& i’m telling you,
now,
to ask these questions,
then,
because it seems to be happening far too frequently & the trend
is forcing me to err on the side of suspicion,

& my only true defense against what may be inevitable,
unconscionable as it should be to us all,

is to hold whoever’s at fault responsible,
even if who’s responsible is considered the law.